I have to admit I am not all that confident at times, I can be a little shy and nervous, mostly because I am scared of doing something wrong. The lack of confidence can be a number of things, you may be body confident but not confident enough to answer a question in a pub quiz. You may be smart confident because you know it is factually correct but not confident with grey areas. Don’t worry it isn’t just you, there are millions of people over the world who aren’t confident in one way or another.
For me this stems from childhood, I had one particular teacher at school (who was a lovely lady but stern) if she asked me a question or to do anything and I got it wrong I hated it. It continued for years and so when asked to do something I would check 3 times that I had got it right. If I was wrong I would cry and want to hide, sometimes I still do.
I wouldn’t pay for anything in case I had the wrong amount of money, wouldn’t ask for my size in clothes in case I was looked at odd. I would always make someone else do it, I was too worried about what would happen if I was wrong.
These days I am much better, I will ask for my size and pay confidently for an item. I will even go as far as questioning the price if I thought it was different. I don’t worry about if I am wrong as much, I just go with it.
Though I am much better there are still some cases I will kick myself for or want to cry about. I will never be perfect and that is fine but I have come a long way since I was younger.
The way I got over it was having a driving force behind me that person was my Auntie Linda and in later years Cora. My Auntie Linda was a confident woman, she didn’t care what people had to say and wouldn’t let anyone make her feel bad for something she didn’t do. She would force me to go pay for things on my own, ask questions and even order my own food at a restaurant (pointing at the menu wasn’t an option).
These are some of my helpful little tips to help you give less of a hoot about what people may be saying or thinking about you. If you feel you are struggling with more than a lack of confidence and find public outings, speaking to people or just doing some tasks please speak to a friend, colleague or doctor. No one should ever feel alone or left feeling hopeless.
1 – Always take a deep breath, if you feel your getting worked up and worried about what is going to happen, breathe and things will start to get better.
2 – Have someone or something with you to help you, remember that thing you had as a child? The blanket, bear or comforter that would be your protection. Remember that or have something like that to help you through. Even a friendly face to help you out if you struggle, I muddle my words a lot and start to babble and then I get worried I am embarrassing myself. Cora stops that, she knows what I want to say and helps me get back on track.
3 – I don’t want to say think of the worst thing that can happen because to some people that really isn’t a good way to send a worried mind. It has worked for me from time to time, mostly when Cora lays out the scenario for me.
4 – Find something that makes you happy and go with it, do it daily, join a class doing it. Do whatever you can that makes you feel better and more positive. Discover a passion and share that with someone or somebodies. Is there something you have wanted to try but not dared do it, go do it. Take the step and push yourself to do something you want.
5 – Create yourself a network, I personally have a great support system for whatever happens to me. Cora knows me better than I know myself, my sisters are always by my side. My dad is a great secret keeper so I can always go to him. My friends from university are always there for me no matter where in the world we all are. Having a network of people you can go to if you are struggling is better than gold.
6 – Make good things happen for you, I think we all get into this mindset that we will feel more confident and positive when we get fitter or lose weight or meet our partner. This doesn’t have to be the thing that makes you, you. Yeah, I won’t lie, these things do make us feel better but it doesn’t have to be the only thing to give you that boost. Go back to point number 4, have something that you feel passionate about and that will give you the boost you need.
I would like to know what are your hang-ups with confidence? Is it body confidence, brain confidence or just confidence in general? Do you struggle with having the confidence to saying yes to new things or confidence to saying no to people? Let me know what you struggle with and how you combat it in the comments below.
Honestly, I am no doctor and in no way fit to help anyone medically but I am a good listener and like to think I’m a caring person. If you ever need a listening ear don’t be afraid to get in touch.